Between Dreams & Reality

Often I don't dream ... I tell a lot of people that. Why? If I look back, I believe its because of the trauma that's happened in my life. I'm not sure whether its because I refuse to dream anymore or I won't allow myself to.

Before all the trauma -- I had such vivid dreams, unfortunately too real. They kinda echoed like deja vu & next thing I know, that dream did become a reality coincidentally. Some ... well maybe all of them were harsh, moments of where I see & feel death.

I'd remember being shot ... on a few occasions. Once was in the head, another time was the center of my neck ... the others were too hard to remember. The more vivid ones were so clear, the feeling of death just creeping around me, slowly just slipping away ... oddly enough ... one of those dreams almost literally killed me ...

I would find meaning behind the harsher dreams -- telling me I'd suffer a loss & next thing I know ... my world fell apart.

After the troubles in my life, the dreams haven't been there as often. If they were any, I'm not even sure what they mean -- some dreams I've had came back & another harsher dream has happened again -- to be honest ... I'm scared.

The only salvation I've found is when I do have sweeter dreams, being close, cuddling, holding, kissing & just feeling safe ... sometimes I wonder where those dreams are placed ... my hopeful wishing? Or something that'll become reality?